I am Worthy….This is My Story

The silhouette of a person facing the sunrise with an arm raised in praise. The scene is imbued with vibrant colors of the dawn, symbolizing hope, renewal, and spiritual awakening.

“Hello world” has a whole new meaning to me today then it did just 7 to 10 years ago. I use to say it the minute I would take a hit of my drug of choice. Today, I say it because I see the world through a new set of eyes.  I see things definitely clearer and not cartoonish or fake. Since my path took me on a hell of a ride, I thought I could share. The pictures I am sharing begin with me in the black. I am pregnant and a pot dealer that got charged for a hot check.  The next picture is me in white with a gold necklace on, I was charged with theft of $500 to $1500.  This was due to trying to support my own habit of pot drug use and cocaine use and my first probation.  The next picture is me in white with my shoulders showing I was charged with theft by check again and theft over $1500.  I was arrested in Colorado and extradited back to Texas to do probation again for the 2nd time. The last picture is of me full blown in my addiction.

I was addicted to cocaine, meth, pills, x and alcohol or whatever I could get my hands on.  I have 2 girls, that I love and lost due to all the above. I lost a marriage, my family members, friends, my job-career (that I had always dreamed of having) and then last but not least my freedom.  My addiction landed me with an offer of 40 years, so I sat in county for a year battling demons that I created over the last 21 years.

After 6 months of sitting there, not getting anywhere, I decided to read a bible I had found.  I gained a heart back, a reason to live and made a choice to turn my life over to God.  I honestly believe that choice got me a 6 year sentence; to some that may be easy.  To me- a mother of two and a person who had lost all will to live that decision of choosing life or death can be very hard to deal with. I took all the charges in this case and took it as an opportunity to try to make a change in my life.

Along this journey, I not only had lost the kids but then lost my youngest child’s father and my grandmother while incarcerated.  I became mentally unstable while incarcerated on top of being an addict. I did not get my first parole due to the life in prison and the choices I was still making in there.  So, after a year of being there, I got a visit from my oldest daughter and her dad.  I started to remember what honestly made me happy and started to remember who I was and what type of person I am supposed to be.  I had to make another choice.  The choice to dig deeper and work on myself while I had the time to sit still one on one with God.

I was released in 2014.  I relapsed and overdosed which landed me in the hospital for days. I struggled with life still not going my way. One thing I do know is the day I decided to get clean was because I was sick and tired of being abused, neglected and rejected by others. I made it up in my mind that my Father God was all I needed to get by.  I started attending Serenity Church.  I began telling people everything I did not like, what I needed and I did my part to trust and believe that God would make all things right.  Thus far, I have been home for 5 years.  I have regained custody of both my girls and I am a wife.  I have a home to live in and a brand new car that I never could imagine owning without selling dope to afford to buy.  I have a job that cares about its employees.  I have health insurance and vehicle insurance.  I am ticket free for 3 years and charge free now for 7 years.

Life is not easy and we all have a story to tell, but this is mine.  To be truthful, all of this is due to trusting in God.  If you think of all the things I did illegally over the period of 21 years, I did deserve the 40 year sentence.  By God’s grace, I got 6 years. There is more to my story, and if you need help or have questions come see us at Serenity Church.  That is where I got my clarity and peace of mind back and learned that I am not alone in this struggle.  I am worthy….This is my story.